… My Desiderata …

“whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt,  the universe is unfolding as it should.”

True…But…
These illusions are intrusive. dreams… maya… there are things that I desire.
Illusions are for losers… I try to look through them…but…

“ …do not stress yourself with imaginings…”

True… But…
Marijuana, alcohol bottles, the things hood that taught us, the cops, the baby mommas, and the brothas from the other side… all of it- a sign…
… in a way- the system has got us….
I want freedom, so I run for it en la manana… Jogging.
Footsteps and pavement.
I can literally jog from the hood to the wealthy communities… I stop where the gate is…
Thinking…one day: mannnnn…

“Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.”

True… but…  what is there to enjoy when there nothing in my hands?
… and my hands aren’t free …
My hands are a looking glass- showing what I could one day be… if I work…. work my hands til they bleed…

“ beyond a wholesome discipline- be gentle with yourself.”

True…. But…

gentle doesn’t help: go hard… get up…
Early morning rise- pushups, sit-ups,
Just after dawn, posted in a park…
On the pull-up bar…Dew drops on my hands…looking up… I once thought:
If I were doing pull-ups on the clouds, could I muster up enough strength to peak into heaven’s gates?

“you are a child of the universe, no less than the tress &  the stars; you have a right to be here.”
True … but…

Back on earth. Back and shoulder muscles hurt. That workout must have worked.
But, what’s all this work worth?
Success depends on who’s eye it is… sitting in the same position I was when I first started this- does growth exist?
I know the pain does.
… is this in vain… man… what for?

“whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace within your soul.”

True… but…
The noise is soul shaking.
Not only an early riser- but  sometimes a late nighter …awakened with a soldiers style stare down the road  of life…
More exhausted by jogging my mind late night than jogging the streets in the morning light.

“With all its sham drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”
True…But…alright, that’s true.

I hit my stride… a focused locomotive moving from the hills through the flatlands of Oakland…the sun just started to rise…
…old white people walk past and smile- picking up dog doo-doo piles, junkies getting high, school kids posted by the bust stop sign, immigrants work for better lives… and all over Americans scramble to their 9-5’s… mid stride, I realize:
“strive to be happy.”
True.

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